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January 2010

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Jan. 3rd, 2010

goooood gurals get down on da flooo

chatttttin wiff donna on skype. :) im a makeup/finger whore get over it kiddos. i need to stop drinking. i wish i went to more dance parties rather than lets all stand around and suck eachothers faces parties. i want a boy friend. all guys lie. they fuck mad dick dude, and i never have. yay me. this post is pointless and makes no sense. nobody will reaadddd it so i dont give a flying fuck, bitch. dry sex is fun. i wish my grades were better, i dont wanna go to bunker hill AKA bunkerCHILL. i wish i was on jersey shoreeeeeeeeeee. my head is big. im actually starting to hang in somerville. to be honest i dance better with girls than guys. i make fun of people constantly...why am i such a bitch? whatevssssssssssssssssssssssss. lalalalalalallalala BYE

Aug. 6th, 2009

this may be what I need right now<3

okay so. I'm confused. for some reason, I'm ready. ready to start over and fuck the rest. lolll everybody scks and I trust nobody except jan tee and donna. LEGITTTTT it's retarded how fuckked people are. we live life once get the fuckk over it bitches. ugh. I'm so violent hahaha. not really I'm wicked sweet but yeah adhd much? think so.....

okay yeah. oh fuck I'm watching the real world and one of the girls likes a boy and the pretty girl is now his "biff"... isn't that fucheddd that girls can't find one boy out of the bajillion in this freaking world so they must choose yours. it's retarded and messed. but whatever. Idc unless it's big. cause I'll always love that kid.

so now derek<3 we talked or a few months but just like hey hi whatshooood type and then he told me he was interested!!! and he wants to hang out alone but he was like really shy so he basically made me push him to get out" alex wanna hang out sometime" lmfao. it was so sweet and innocent. and honey I am not one bit ylused to that, what so ever. so yes. the could be the start of something great. he's everything I need tight now. I need to possibly commit or become more mature and serious when it comes to guys. I'm nervous yet excited. wish me luck<3

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Aug. 5th, 2009

(no subject)

okay so I'm laying down watching the real world haha and I'm sick. fml. whatever but yeah I haven't wrote in my journal in what seems like forever. so I have much to say..

let's go back to when my life was dramaless doran Quick second. LOL... wait that's never.

so. I go to a party in like mamrch or may I forget... with krista.. and we got wasted and shitttt and hooked up with boy. a boy who was in a relationship. wooooah love it. only me right?!?!? so then shit went down hill after I finally found out that he was sati g a bitch names kasey..so to end this..she messages me and he denies everything so I look like a flying fuck who makes shit up. fuckkk whatever people need to grow the fuck up and take fault for their actions just as I did myself. ahahhaha fucking faggots. so yeah mad girls wanted to fight
e and it was aovely experience and I learned my lesson. DON'T HOOKUP WITH GUYS JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE DROP DEAD GORGEOUS!!..wait I did that again now didn't I(tell you later)...

oh and corey hooked up with my bestfriend although she says they didn't he "stuck his toungue" down herthroat...okayyyy so I didn't talkto her for a month and fucked around and now we are fine but I WILL NEVER TRUST HER AGAIN. like is it just me or is it fuckkkkkked that she gotwiththe boy who put me through he'll. who made half of a tow. think of me as a smutty homewrecker.. no big deal, right? hahha.

anyways.. I went to summer school. passed with a b!!!! yayayayyay so good. ahaha. I met a chick named alex who I love love love! I stayedathe house for a weekend and oh shit let me tell you. I got soooo much attention and got so drunk one night and I'm stupid for doing that I know but ya know shit happens..I'm a fuck up and I know it. but anyways I hooked up withthe slut of the group ofcourse..he's fucked 23 yes 23, I repeat 23!!!!! girls! wtfffff ..one beer down and I'm a fucking idiot. atleast I'm still a virgin. but he washit. and guess what? when I got home. I cried so much cuz I was embarrassed of how I acted and how the guys looked at me. as a sexual object who they could play around with..and they could cuz I let them. ehhhh I don't know anymore. I'm dumb. but I'm becoming myself somehow everyday. I'm growing and maturing and shit. blah... I'm no where near being proud of myself but I'm learning from my stupid mistakes...Orr rather from my interesting experiences as a teenager. I'm young and stupid so I do whatever whenever wherever with whoever. not that I'm a slut cause I've only kissed 6 boys and went further with one. so yep. idk. idk.

I'm SO SO SO OVER BIGGY. agh! love it, kind of. he got a fucking hand job in front of
r I. the dance floor at this party. lmaolmaolmao. probthe first action he ever gotin his goddamn life. ahahhah. you should have seenthis skank. anywho.. the only reason it was so horriblewas because I just got down smoking with my friend Austin who I nearly hooked up with..and I was high as fuckkk. I cried for like 3 straight hours. big came to talk to me and I couldn't look at him cuz I'd cry. and I did. and that was that. I woke up and realized that he wasn't worth me and I deserve much better. and at this point I don't want to be his best friend ever again cause all he wants is ass. he's a horny little Ginger who needs some login in his life and NOW he tells myfriend evan he thinks his gonna go "as far as he can with alex!" OH HELLLL NO SWEETIEPIE. lmao that's where say fuck you. and I lost it. all the feelings all the emotions all the angriness. I seemed to let it all go in that last second. as that last tear fell I got go and laughed. he'll regret this..I know it. but I will still never stop saying that he did change my life and me as a person. I am a better person because of him. he's pushed me to love myself in ways he doesn't know and he showed me how I can't trust any guys even if they act as if they wwant you and care about you and are your bestfriends. and that the people who you care about the MOST will hurt you someday. it sucks but it's life. you learn. you know? by the best part is when he tried to persue what he told evan! lmaolmaolmao! he brought me downstairs at SAMs house and said me him and byron were gonna watch a movie..all of a sudden Byron leaves something upstairs which results in inky me and big alone downstairs. that fucker ahahahh. when someone came down and said oops sorry if I'm intrupting as me and him were cudlig so I said. " hahha oh no no don't worry come join I'd nothing will ever happen between us.. ever. " and you should have saw his face!!! it was great. I was so so so happy and I've been happy for a while now.

p.s. the boy corey who had the gf ripped all. y papers in summerechool bahahahha


okay so now i'm talking to one boy.
I flirt with mad mad mad dudes but I talk to chad and dan almost every night. we just flirt and shift. dans aweso e, I trust him, I have a leetlr crush on . he's so cute! and chad calls me randomly when he'sdrunk/hugh. it's so funny. but he's been sober the lastfeedays and it's so great. I like him sober way better.. anywaysss

I think I may have found the boy I need. derek:-) ivv chatted with him since like mayand agh he's the cutesy little thing evvvver! hahahha I'm sohapy. the other day he told me he wanted to grtto know me and he's scared he's gonna fall for me before school starts and says it'll be worth it. because I'm worth it :D eeeeek!!!!!!! I think I'm hanging out with hi. soon. I hope so. he wants a serious summer thingcuz he ahs to fit I boarding school. he's aweso e and s love it. so right now I. zoo sick and I'm working Monday through Friday so that's why I never write here. but I talked to donna and I decided I wanted too.

oh and the girls from. putts might be coming down to see me!!!

oh and my birthday is in 8 days!!! hollola

byyyeeee

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Jun. 4th, 2009

(no subject)

I want to hookup. with this boy. whom I barely know, but he is gorgeous. in my eyes and tons of other girls eyes. I wish it could be a summer thing. I love getting his IMs. even if it's only flirty half the time. I want him..I can't really explain why but ahhh Im infatuated. but he lives a few hours away. and like I said I don't knowhim. Id prob. be a hookup and that's fine I guess. guys around here suck. as long as he doesn't fuckk me over and push to get in my pants. then he can have me. ya know, try but don't trrrrrry. that's stupid. I guess i've stopped looking for boys and let i them come to me. and the harder it is to see them the more I grow to want them. the excitement of a boy that doesn't live near you is amazing. I'm dying to kiss him. but the truth is, Im dying to kiss this boy becuase Im trying to get over this boy, whom I'd do anything for. all I want is big back in my life he was my bestfriend foe the summer. fuck. so gay i'm beside myself. I want nothing to to with this city, even this state. I'm out. everyboy suckkks here and I don't wanna deal anymore. ya know. and Im ear over heels for big. and that kills me. so yah I want somebody new like the first boy I mentioned, the excitement of taking a trip to go see him and my other friends is awesome. looove it man. but whatever I think i'm leaning towards doing whatever it is to get over big. I must or idk what will happen. this paragraph us bullshit cuz it's stupid that I want the other boy so bad cuz icant have him. he lives in eastbumfuck and he doesn't know me. probably would think it is creepy that I want him so bad but I don't fuckking care. ahhh this is suckyy. I'm done.

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Mar. 9th, 2009

Writer's Block: Almost Famous

 people say i look like Alexis Dziena, who stars in fool's gold and forgetting sarah marshall..